One of the most terrible things to hear is when the person you love tells you he love you, but is not in love with you. You may feel completely blindsided, as quite often this happens with no warning. But even if you have been going through some tough times you did not think it would make him  fall out of love with you. You walk around in a daze and feel your world has been rocked to it’s core.

Now what? What do you do? Not only do you have to deal with your feelings, but you are worried about his feelings. (Or lack thereof). You want answers, reasons, and you want to know if his feelings will return. The problem is that you have no control over the situation. It is entirely up to him  if he want to give your relationship a chance or let it go. That is very hard for people to deal with, the uncertainty of it all.

The first steps should be to have a talk about the here and now. Ask him if he want to go to counseling, if  he want to work it out, and what he  would like you to do, if anything, to help the situation. After you have heard him out you do have the right to make some requests of your own. You can ask him  not to see other people, you can ask him if there is someone else in the picture or that he is interested in. You can ask him if  he want to be left alone for a while or if you can contact him while he figure things out.

If he  agree that you can make contact, come to a compromise on what is acceptable. If he want to be left alone, ask if you can contact in case of emergency, and if he  agree, contact him only in case of emergency. Give him space if he ask for it, but don’t let it go on in-definately. Agree to meet up in “x” amount of time to see where you stand. He cannot always give you specific answers or time frames at the moment, but at some point he  should be able to.

If  he have given up, or are no longer interested in giving your relationship another try there is almost no hope things will work out. If your Boy-Friend does not want to go to counseling for the both of you, why not go yourself? You have to take care of yourself, and counseling may be of real help to you.

If both parties are willing to make an effort and try, chances are the feelings will return and the relationship can grow and thrive.

During the process it is best for you to surround yourself with supportive people. Don’t look to your BF for the support, get it elsewhere. It will be hard to focus on things other than the status of your relationship, but you have to try.

You may tend to make your thoughts, feelings and actions revolve around your BF, but you need to make things all about you right now. Let him  deal with himself. You can’t do much anyway. Take the time to deal with your feelings of pain, hurt, anger and fear but don’t let those emotions consume you. Get on a workout regimen that you had been meaning to, spend more time with the positive people in your life, do more activities that you enjoy and make you feel good.

No one wants to hear the dreaded words “I love you, I am not not in love with you“, but sadly, some of us will. You may not be able to control your partners feelings, but you are in control over how you handle the situation. All hope may not be lost, so do what you can to help the situation, instead of focusing on what is out of your control!!!